Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Honest Scrap

I happily accept this Honest Scrap Award.

The game is that you have to list 10 honest things about yourself, and then award it to 4 other people. 

1.  I feel like an alien.  I've landed on planet homemaker with only planet single experience.  I look at you wonderful women out there and feel so intimidated.  I'm so behind.  I have no clue what I am doing.  I look at my friends and neighbors that are my chronological age, they have teenagers and seem to have this wife and mother thing down.  I am so completely out of my element.  I don't cook, much.  I don't craft, much.  I don't use coupons, much.  I abhor cleaning.  When I do clean I feel like I'm doing it wrong somehow.  I don't know what to do with a 2 or 4 year old for more than an hour.  I feel like I'm making everything up as I go along.

2.  In what seems like a completely different life, I was a confident, persuasive, well-dressed, hard hitting woman.  I have worked as a Human Resources Coordinator, professional meeting planner, PR director, and benefits specialist.  I served a 19-month mission for the LDS Church to Richmond, VA.  I've served in a myriad of leadership, teaching, music, activities, and support calling in the church.  I have a  BS in Social Psychology and a minor in Music from BYU.  

3.  I have an overactive sensor in my head.  I read, reread and edit everything I write.  I try to edit what I am saying while I am speaking which often causes me to stumble and stutter.  I overthink past conversations.  I worry that I will (or did) sound too whiny, too judgmental, too spineless, too boring, too ridiculous, too, too, too, too...  However, when I am completely at ease I will talk non stop and tell crazy stories.

4.  I've decided to give up scrapbooking, at least for now.  I am in love with the bound books you can order online.  I put together a wonderful 100 page coffee table book with the story of how Doug and I met and our wedding.  It cost me $60.  The hours and the money I would have spent would have been astronomical if I had scrapbooked it.  I can hardly wait to put together the book for Rachel's first year.  I plan on building a book with the story of Elizabeth as well.

5.  I love being a mom.  As a young girl I would sing, "When I grow up I want to be a mother and have a family.  One little, two little, three little babies of my own..."  I wanted to be married and having babies before the age of 20.  When I turned 30 I decided to stop counting on marriage and family and go back to school.  I was working on an MS in Health Promotion and Education and planned on a Ph.D. in psychology when I met Doug.  My heart is still broken over the loss of Elizabeth.  Rachel makes my world go round.  I marvel at her amazing, beautiful little body.  I am in awe watching her learn new things each day.  She has been with me for almost 10 months and yet it feels like barely a week.

6.  I lost my sense of style 2 babies and 40 pounds ago.  I have few clothes that fit and would rather spend the money on my house, my husband or my baby girl.  Rachel is always dressed better than I am.  Often she is clothed with her hair done when I am still in my pajamas and ponytail.  Doug actually took the baby and told me to go shopping the other day.  I know this would be a dream for many women.  For me, trying on clothes needs to come with an extra dose of anti-depressants and perhaps a chocolate cake.  I almost always come away feeling fat and ugly.

7.  I am addicted to carbs, fats and simple sugars.  I love any and all chocolate.  I love breads, cakes, cookies, pasta, potatos, rice, ice cream, butter, creamy alfredo sauce, pizza, pancakes, waffles, real maple syrup and cinnamon rolls.  I do like healthy foods, they are just harder to cook and eat on the go.  I like salads when I eat out or with a group but not by myself.

8.  I love adventure.  I like to go places without a plan and just see what happens.  As a single girl I would travel to different cities by myself or with a friend and see what came my way.  I've gone to more movies by myself than I can count.  I used to get dressed up and go to dinner by myself.  I would pretend I was a mysterious woman from a far away place.  I would try to imagine what others might guess about this mysterious woman.  It was empowering.  I've bungee jumped, took lessons on how to be a white water rafting guide, served as a "ma" on trek, and will ride amusement park rides until my head and stomach feel like they will explode.

9.  I enjoy hosting parties.  I have four caveats to this.  First, I want a maid to come clean my house beforehand.  Second, I would like a chef to do all of the cooking.  Third, I have a hard time choosing who to invite.  There are a ton of people I want to get to know.  But, there is only so much room in my house.  Plus, unlike in the singles ward there are children to consider.  Fourth, I don't want to leave anyone out.  I always feel left out when I hear someone else got together and had a party, went on an excursion, or did anything social to which I wasn't invited.  I have a hard time doing things and leaving others out.  When I was in singles wards I just invited everybody even those I didn't really want to come.  The more the merrier in my book.  I haven't figured out how to do this on planet family so I've let it paralyze me.

10.  I like to name everything.  My laptop is Maggie.  My desktop computer used to be Blinky until I traded Doug for Bart.  Our cameras are Sheldon, Leonard and Raj.  My phones used to be Guido and George.  We have a robot vacuum named Mo.  Rachel's dolls are Molly and Polly the dollies.  Our cars are Homer and Pedro.

So now I have to pass the award on to four people.  I want to pass it to everybody.  I hate only choosing four.  If you wanted this to be awarded to you consider yourself awarded.
1.  Sonia at La Dolce Vita.  It's fun to read about her life in Italy.
2.  Nova at Noble Moments.  Nova is one of my longest standing friends and it's fun to see what her creative mind comes up with.  
3.  Amanda at Little Montague Boys.  Amanda is cool and quirky.
4.  Angie of the Nowling Family.  I really want to get to know her better.


  1. Those are so wonderful. I love getting to know you more and more and I'm thankful for blogs to do that.
    I feel the same way about having people over for a party. There are way too many things to consider. Obviously, we can't invite everyone, but then how do you choose who to leave out without hurting feelings.
    I think you are an awesome mother and it seems you are way ahead of where I was with my first 10 month old as far as having the "parenting skills" down.
    You need to teach a class on how to be more adventurous as mothers and also how to be more confident because it sounds like you have great experiences in those matters.

  2. 1. We are all making it up as we go along. Ask us questions. That is how I learned. Oh, and my making lots of mistakes!

    4. I want to see it. I had never even considered doing that! It would take up less room too!

    5. Me too! I have a tape recording of me singing that at age 5. I actually sang it in Sacrament Meeting. That is all I ever wanted to be.

    6. and 7. Ditto!

    9. Invite us over. I will leave my kids at home and play with Rachel the whole time! Maybe that will get the baby cravings out of my system!

    Thanks for sharing!

  3. Wow, good job sharing some good information into your life and thoughts. I learned so much! I felt the exact same way when I had my first baby. I found the second one so refreshing because I just enjoyed her instead of worried about what I could do differently and if I was doing it right. I think Doug and you are both doing great though.
    Marriage definitely throws your world for a loop. I'm still trying to figure out the balance of who I was before I was married and who I am now and we've been married 7 years.
    I wish my house was bigger so I could have the whole ward over. It's so hard trying to figure out who to have over so we usually don't anymore. Hopefully when we have our basement finished, it will be easier to have different parties with different people.
    And you are always invited to whatever I do. I don't do much though. I'm starting to attend Baby Story Time at the library each Monday at 10:30 am. That is probably when Rachel is sleeping, but come when you can. Only don't come this Monday because it's a holiday.
    And thanks for awarding me this. I'll have to work on it. I needed something to post about anyway.

  4. I'm with you on #7. I love healthy stuff too but, it all tastes so much better with homemade bread.

    As much as I hate to admit it, I love being the party planner. I love hosting parties, decorating, planning out the menu and music!

    Last but not least, I like the name things as well!! I have (well my dad has it now) my Ford Bronco and I called him Big Eddie, the Nissan Murano I bought before I moved was Marcello. I still haven't named my computer though...

  5. Thanks for sharing. You are such a fun person and its fun to get to know you better.

  6. I can't wait for you to start talking nonstop and telling crazy stories. I think we all rehash things we've said and worry about them. I never feel stupid until I go home and think about what I SHOULD have said / done.

    We're all just figuring out what new thing life has thrown at us - I think you're a great mom! You're the boss, you can hear other views, but when it all boils down, it's your call and you know best for your family.

    I LOVE your new bound books, they are beautiful. I started to cry just looking at them. I enjoyed getting to know more about you and think you're great.

  7. I'll have you know that your Honest Scrap found it's way to me! And I'm glad because I traced it back to you and found your blog! Jessica I am so happy you have such a beautiful little girl! I haven't seen you in years and I miss that. I looked up to you so much as I was growing up and now I'm glad that I can check in on your family and see that you are doing so well. I'll keep blog stalking you in the future, just a warning. You're welcome to come see us anytime.

    ashley "clark" skifton